Granted

Hiya :) I shouldn't be on this right now...I'm supposed to be studying hardcore for chemistry...but oh well :) 

So didn't mean to...but this is another downer post. Just is. 

You know...I was just thinking, we take so much for granted sometimes. Well I don't know about others. But I do. Just like friends, guys, family, the privileges, the rights, the freedom...just so much. 

Umm, I don't know how else to say this, but I'm a pretty lonely person. (just in case you haven't figured that out)

So I'm about to just pour out everything...cause I don't really have anywhere. I don't wanna sound emotional..it's just..some things.

It's another one of them frank ocean days. but its happening more than usual. 

-My chemistry teacher. anyone who reads this might not get it right off the bat; but I just wanna spill. thats all. if some of you guys have tried stoichiometry, there are essentially 2 ways to do it. one is the normal dimensional analysis, the other is a cool new table method which I saw on youtube. I liked it...loved it, it made complete sense to me. and I could find limiting reactant...all that...like that. 

my teacher. she's great. but she's always really....excited...like jumpy. never really calm and serene. and that's not a bad thing. She'll call on you randomly, and if you don't know it...to prevent yourself from looking dumb, you will encourage yourself to study hard at home to get questions right. that's good :) 

but today. my lord. we got our lab notebooks back. everyone was up, getting theirs...it was really quiet though..not too much noise except the rustling of people getting their books. She calls me up, and kind of screams in my face over how my work doesn't make sense. That was okay...but why shoving the journal in my face saying "this doesn't make sense" in front of the whole class?

the worst thing, is that I asked her if it was okay before. She said "sure...as long as I know what you're doing...just explain your work". I was relieved...I loved the new method. and now she does this. and I even showed my work, explaining where I got everything.

god damn. you couldn't like call me after class and say this to me? why in front of the whole damn class?

anyways. my bad. just needed to spill out all this bullshit. now I have to get a new lab notebook, and do it all over again. yay. can't wait to go to class again.

anyways, its fine. she's actually good...she's one of them teachers that pushes you to do your best. so even though she's all this now...in the end, hopefully she'll teach us eerryyythingg and help me out when i need it most.

-people are just mean. that's all. we worked in groups the other day in history...and I sit by myself in the back (that's how she assigned us). and there are two other girls that sit next to me. so basically, all the rows are filled up, except there are 3 tables in the last row...and 3 girls sit in each, different one (1 per table).

we were told to work in 3. and the people who sat in front of the other girls' turned around and worked with them. except the people in front of me. they just worked together...fuck. it was like I wasn't even alive. fuckidy fuck. fuck. 

-i've been thinkin bout you. real bad. I miss last year. the school, the people. so fucking bad. so bad. the vibe, the feeling. it was just so right. here...here, it feels like boarding school. and at the moment, i took all of that granted. blah. look where I am now. im desperate to get it all back. i wish i could.

my bad about being...so...ughh. I know a lot of you guys have WAYYY more drama and bullshit in your lives, and this is nada compared to yours. I'm just...missing everything now...just didn't have anybody to really talk to. i did...but you know...they judge you...blah. blah. blah. anyways, take care.